Rearrange My life
by jannikajade
Summary: Drake has a stressful day at work. The boys have a long talk. Part of my on going future verse. DrakeJosh.


**Author's Note**: This one is pretty closely tied to "Carrying this Torch For you." That one takes place in April, and this one takes place in late June of the same year. Part of my on going future 'Verse.

**Disclaimer: **Still not mine.

* * *

Drake's never thought much about other people. Not really. It's not that he doesn't care, it's just that between himself, and Josh, and music, and a parade of girls, and avoiding death at the hands his younger sister, he's never really had time to wonder about how other people think, or do things. So working, actually working, has been a strange experience so far. He's talking to people, and teaching people, and they do things and think things that Drake just doesn't understand. People are rude, they yell and they start fights with him, and if he so much as sighs, he's the one in trouble.

He didn't think it would be like this. Not that he'd really given it much thought, but if he had, he wouldn't have thought that working at music store would be so stressful. He would have thought people buying music would be happy. Would have thought that little kids taking guitar lessons would be eager to learn, and easy to teach. He would have thought that his coworkers would know things about music, maybe not as much as him, but that would at least have some knowledge. He's finding out that none of this is true, and it's weird.

Today, a ten-year-old boy spends his hour lesson glaring at Drake and rolling his eyes every time Drake tries to show him something. This boy's father is _making_ him take lessons. Drake can't understand not wanting to play the guitar. It just doesn't make any sense to him, and he is going to have to see this kid once a week for the next few months. Plus, Mark, the daytime manager, insisted on putting on a CD of top 40 crap, and it is taking everything Drake has not to wince at every song that pumps through the speakers.

Something overly synthesized is playing as Drake slides out the back door for his break. It's drizzling, and there is a light wind that makes him shiver, but he breaths a sigh of relief anyway. He leans against the wall, and reaches into his pocket to call Josh. This job had been his idea, and some days, like today, a part of Drake blames every little annoyance on Josh. Mostly because he can. Drake hits the one button on his phone and takes a sip of Mocha Cola as he waits for Josh to answer. He doesn't have to wait long. Josh answers on the first ring.

"Hey Drake," He says, sounding excited, "I was just about to call you."

"Yeah?" Drake asks, intrigued and a little less annoyed already.

"Yep. Guess what I'm doing right now?"

"Driving to San Diego?" Drake suggests hopefully. It's been months since he's seen Josh, and it's been driving him crazy.

"Yes!" Josh says, and Drake almost drops the phone.

"Seriously?" He questions.

"Well, towards the airport so I can fly to San Diego, but yes."

"Really?"

"Really," Josh confirms.

"But, I thought you had like, twelve more interviews in New York," Drake says.

"Yeah, but I got a call back from that company at home, I'm one of three people they're considering hiring full time," Josh enthuses.

"That's awesome!" Drake says.

"I know! This is the one I really want. I mean, I know I can't be picky right now, but everyone I met there was so nice, and it's in San Diego, and they'd pay enough that I wouldn't starve, and it's just perfect," Josh says, rambling a little.

"And, you'd be close to me," Drake says.

"Well yes, that's a big part of the whole, 'in San Diego' thing," Josh says, and for the first time Drake can remember, he's kind of glad Josh can't see him, because he's pretty sure the grin on his face is embarrassingly big.

"So what time does your flight get here?" He asks, rolling the balls of his feet as he speaks.

"Um, 7:30."

"And you're staying with me, right?" Drake asks.

"I was planning on it. I didn't even call Mom and Dad yet," Josh says.

"Awesome," Drake says, "When's your interview?"

"9am tomorrow."

"That's when my shift starts."

"I'll make breakfast," Josh says.

"Waffles?" Drake asks hopefully, already planning all the ways he and Josh can work up an appetite by tomorrow morning.

"Sure," Josh agrees, and Drake can hear his smile through the phone.

"You staying over the weekend?"

"Yup," Josh confirms.

"I have a gig on Saturday."

"I know. I'm looking forward to it," Josh says.

"Awesome," Drake repeats.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000

Somewhere in between kisses and touches that he thinks his body actually missed, that he thinks his skin has just been waiting for, a little angry every time it's not being explored by Josh, and low moans and sweat and a torn shirt, Drake remembers something he'd meant to ask about in the spring. He remembers that Josh is good at this, like really, really good. He knows Josh is smart, and he knows Josh is good at all sorts of things, but he's pretty sure no one is this good without a little practice.

He's pretty sure Josh has, like, _technique_, and it's awesome, it really is. It makes Drake want to tie Josh to his bed and never let him leave, but it also makes him curious. He'd meant to ask before, but then there had been job searching, and shopping, and hands all over each other every time they got a chance, and there just hadn't been time to actually talk about things.

So this time, after he gets Josh to make the best sound he's ever heard in his life, sort of a cross between his name, a breathy gasp, and growl, and after he's felt Josh's touch in every single one of his bones, and after he can breath again, he decides to ask. They're still all tangled in each other and in Drake's sheets, breathing heavy and tracing random lines on each other with their hands.

"Josh?" Drake asks, putting his chin on Josh's chest.

"Yeah?" Josh asks.

"Ok, dude, have you like, done this before?"

"What do you mean?" Josh asks, but he turns even redder as he asks it.

"This," Drake says, waving his hand in a circle, and then putting it back in Josh's chest.

"We did _this_ several times last time I was here," Josh says. Drake rolls his eyes.

"That's not what I meant," He says, "I mean like, before that. Cause, dude, you like, know how to do things."

"I- so do you!" Josh tries.

"Yeah. I know that," Drake says.

"So have you done this before?"

"Yes," Drake says simply.

"Oh. When?" Josh asks, getting redder by the minute. He swallows as he asks, and something that looks like jealousy flickers behind his eyes. Which is ridiculous, because, obviously, he's done this before too, but Drake figures that maybe if he talks first, Josh won't feel as weird. So he takes a deep breath, and props himself up on his elbow, leaning over Josh, and says,

"A couple times? You know me dude, it just wasn't a big deal. It was something I wanted to do. So I did," He shrugs. Josh stiffens a little, and Drake wonders if that was the wrong thing to say.

"It wasn't a big deal?" He asks.

"Not really. I mean, yeah I guess it was a little weird, and I almost didn't, but then it was kind of awesome, so I just went with it. You know?"

"So, you're saying you didn't spend weeks afterwards feeling all guilty and weird and asking yourself a million questions and wondering if you should tell people. If you should tell me? You didn't freak out and almost have a breakdown when it happened, mostly because you knew you wanted it to happen again?" Josh asks. Drake blinks.

"No. Is that what I should have done?" He asks. Josh sighs and looks away,

"No. Why would you?" He asks, a little bit of bitterness creeping into his tone.

"Dude, I don't-" Drake starts, and then something hits him, "Oh. Is that what happened to you?" He asks.

"Everything is so easy for you," Josh says, still not looking at him. Drake is pretty sure that's not true, and terribly unfair, but he lets it go, because he needs to find out more about this whole, 'Josh sleeping with guys and having a breakdown about it and _not telling Drake_,' thing.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asks.

"You didn't tell me," Josh says.

"Yeah, but I just told you it wasn't a big thing for me. I probably would have mentioned it eventually. There were just always more important things to say," Drake says, and Josh finally turns his head back towards Drake. Then he sits up and sighs,

"More important things?" He asks.

"Well yeah," Drake starts to explain, but Josh holds up a hand. He scoots back little, so he's resting against Drake's headboard. Their legs are still overlapping a little, but Drake suddenly feels like Josh has gone very far away.

"We never talk about the important things, Drake." He says.

"What?"

"We spent years kissing at random and then not talking about it. We spent years, or I know I spent years tying to pretend I didn't, that I wasn't, that we weren't more than stepbrothers, more than friends. We never talked about that either. We didn't talk about the fact that hey, we've both hooked up with a guy now, so you know, that's an obstacle out of the way. We never talk about," Josh stops and sighs, running a hand through his hair.

"Those aren't the only important things, they're just the," Drake pauses and searches for the right word, "scariest ones," He finishes, not sure that 'scariest' is really what he was going for, but fairly sure it works anyway.

"They're really, really important. We should have talked about them. I should have been able to tell you. You should have told me. We should have talked about so much of this years ago and-" Josh says, rambling until Drake cuts him off by leaning forward and putting a hand over his mouth.

"Why?" Drake asks.

"Why what?"

"We've always just been _us_. Why would we have talked about it?" He asks. He knows that's not Josh's point. He knows there is probably some truth to what Josh is saying, but he still thinks that maybe Josh is missing a bigger point. At least, a bigger point the way Drake sees things.

"Because people don't just make out with their step brothers!" Josh says.

"Maybe they should start. It's pretty awesome," Drake says.

"Drake," Josh says his voice a frustrated growl.

"So it's not normal or whatever, it's not like we were normal before." Drake says, Josh sighs again, so Drake continues, "I mean, dude, you said you knew for years there was, something, going on with us. It's not like I didn't know. It's not like I randomly kissed you and then never thought about it. It's not like," Drake stops short, and looks down, not quite sure he wants to finish that thought.

"It's not like what?" Josh asks, reaching out for Drake's hand and pulling up the bed a little. Drake looks up, and sees that Josh is smiling, just a little. Drake's not sure what he's said to make things any different, but he's glad he said it. "Not like what?" Josh prompts again.

"Ok, dude, do you remember that time you were really mad at me, and you said you were done with me?" Drake asks, and he's surprised at the sick feeling he gets in his stomach, remembering something that happened over five years ago.

"Of course I do," Josh says.

"Ok, well, I just, I wanted you back so much Josh. I couldn't stand it, and it was like, everything was different without you. Bad different. Worse than it should have been. I think I figured it out then. I almost told you," Drake confesses.

"Why didn't you?" Josh asks, something in his voice Drake can't quite identify.

"You weren't mad anymore. I didn't want to screw it up," Drake says.

"It wouldn't have," Josh stops and sighs again, "Dude, Drake, that's like the whole point. We never talked about that fight at all. We should have. We didn't."

"We're talking about it now," Drake says, shrugging.

"Yeah I know, but," Josh stops and shakes his head again, "I wanted to talk to you so many times when I was freaking out. I almost called you liked twenty times a day."

"So why didn't you?"

"That thing you said? About it being scary?" Josh suggests, blushing again.

"Yeah, but, that wasn't about us."

"It kind of was," Josh says.

"What?" Drake asks.

"You're Drake remember? It's always about you," Josh says, smiling wryly.

"What?" Drake repeats, frowning.

"I'd been thinking about you for so long, wondering about you, wanting all these things, so by like, the middle of junior year, after Christmas Break, I thought maybe, maybe I could make it all stop. I thought, you know, if I tried to hook up with a guy, and I wasn't in to it, or whatever, then like, I would know I should really stop thinking all these things about you." Josh says.

"Dude, we'd already kissed like," Drake pauses to think, "seven times by then. I think."

"Eight, actually, and I know that," Josh says, "I know that. It was just, I don't know, part of this plan might have been made while drinking." Drake makes a mock scandalized face, and Josh rolls his eyes.

"Even I know you shouldn't make plans when you're drunk," Drake says.

"Yeah. I know," Josh says.

"So, you thought that hooking up with other guys, would make you not want me?" Drake asks. The logic of this plan is totally lost on him, but Josh nods, so clearly, it had made sense to Josh. At least at one point. "And it… didn't work?" Drake questions.

"Not even a little. Like I said, it was always about you. It just, all I could think about was you, and wanting it to be you, and then I felt horrible about it."

"About wanting me?"

"That and the fact that I was using other people. It wasn't fair to any of them," Josh says, looking ashamed.

"I'm sure your random one night stands are over it," Drake says, then he pauses, "They were all, like, one night stands right?" He asks.

"There was, a week, once," Josh says.

"Same thing," Drake says. Part of him thinks this is a very bizarre conversation. The whole, 'Josh having one night stands,' thing is throwing him a little. Although, the fact that Josh seems to feel horrible about it reassures Drake a little, "How many?" He asks, before he has a chance to think about whether or not he really wants to know.

"Three, plus, that guy that was a week," Josh says, still look ashamed. Drake almost laughs, but he's pretty sure Josh wouldn't appreciate it.

"Oh," He says instead.

"Yeah. Then I just felt horrible, and I stopped, and I freaked out about it until, well until right now," He says.

"I still," Drake bites his lip and scoots closer to Josh on the bed, "you hooked up with random guys, because you wanted me?" He asks.

"I didn't really think I'd ever have you. Well, I mean I thought about it, but then I talked myself out of it, and they were there, and after that first time, I could pretend," Josh says. Drake frowns again. "So you just thought you'd try it?" Josh asks and he's frowning too.

"Well," Drake starts, but then for what feels like the millionth time that night, he stops and shakes his head, thinking. He's always wanted Josh. He's wanted Josh since before he really understood what wanting Josh meant. He's also always liked sex. He's been kissing girls since the third grade, and kissing guys, guys other then Josh, since he was seventeen. It was never really connected to the wanting Josh thing. It was never really connected to anything. All the kissing, and the fooling around, and the sex, it was never really about anyone, it was just about the sex part. Not that he disliked the people he was having sex with or anything, it was just, they weren't really the important part.

Until this spring, until the night he'd decided to not stop kissing Josh. That had been about Josh, about wanting Josh. Actually, kissing Josh had always been about Josh. The kissing part, the touching part, the naked parts? Those are awesome, but they're awesome because they're with Josh. He's the important part, and no one else ever has been. Sex has always been awesome mostly because it's sex, sex with Josh is awesome because it's _sex with Josh._ Drake doesn't really know how to say any of that. Not so that Josh will understand anyway, so instead he says,

"The first time I really hooked up with a guy, like, taking off clothes hooking up, I came home, and I wrote a song about you."

"What? Why?" Josh asks, looking puzzled.

"I think you'd done something awesome and saved me from something again that week. I don't remember exactly. I just remember that you smiled at me over Mexican takeout after whatever happened."

"I smile at you all the time," Josh says, softly.

"I know, but I remember thinking it could be a song, and lyrics popping into my head," Drake says, hoping Josh understands the point he's trying to make.

"So, you did, naked things, with someone, and you came home, and all you could think about was me?" Josh asks, and God, Drake is glad Josh is so smart.

"Yeah. Pretty much," He says.

"Oh," Josh says, "Wow."

"Yeah," Drake echoes, and then he leans down and kisses Josh softly. Josh kisses him back, tangling a hand in his hair and pulling him in close. He smiles when they break apart.

Then there is more kissing, and Josh murmurs something about how much talking they've done, and Drake sucks on his neck until he's sure there will be a mark and Josh can't do much more than gasp. Then Drake climbs back over Josh, and the fact that they're still naked comes in very, very handy, and there is more moaning, and gasping, and Josh makes that amazing sound again, and Drake vows to spend the weekend finding each and every possible way to make Josh make that sound over and over again.

Eventually, they drift towards sleep, still all curled up in each other, pulling Drake's sheets loosely around them. Drake's eyes are heavy, and Josh is really, really comfortable, but before he's pulled into sleep, it occurs to him that he still doesn't really understand what Josh was saying earlier. He doesn't really understand why Josh thought that sleeping with random guys would help, but he doesn't think it matters. All that really matters is that it brought them to this moment. That it's lead to right here, to them falling asleep together, and to Josh making him waffles in the morning, and possibly staying in San Diego, with Drake, for a really long time. Right here, is pretty much the most amazing place Drake has ever been, and if it took some things he doesn't understand to get them there? He's just going to be grateful for them.


End file.
